Accountability is a word that is thrown around much inside Christian circles. Accountability means we have given someone the right to see if we are behaving properly and carrying out what we said we would do. Just like at work when the boss gives you an assignment and then checks up with you frequently to make sure you are moving forward.
We all realize that we are accountable to God, but how often has that thought entered your mind while surfing porn sites? Probably not much. How different would you act if you had someone ask you every few days? Do you think that would help deter you?
We should each have a very close friend who can ask you things such as “Have you been in The Word?”, “How is your prayer life going?”, “Did you ask for forgiveness from your wife like you said you would?” “Have you looked at porn in the last few days?” Someone needs to be able to ask you tough questions to help keep you on the narrow path.
Here are a few tips on what to look for in an accountability partner and how to conduct an accountability relationship.
– The person you choose for accountability should know you (or get to know you) deeply. No superficial weather talk relationship. They need to know you personally and all about your background, family, struggles, etc.
– Your accountability parter should be allowed to ask you any question. Nothing is off limits! You should not be offended by anything they ask. As the asking partner – be sure you are asking questions in love and not in a way that intimidates or Lord over your partner.
– Your accountability partner should look you in the eye and ask: “Have you looked at pornography since our last meeting?” A good accountability partner needs to be direct and to the point. A good follow up question is “How has your thought life been?” Ask these questions at every meeting!
– An accountability partner should be firm but full of grace. What I mean is that your partner should not tolerate the sin of porn (there are no little peaks allowed), but your partner should show grace by praying with you and analyzing what went wrong without “beating you up” about your failure.
– An accountability partner should have your cell number and you his. You should call your partner when you feel the temptation to indulge in porn. Just like a sponsor for AA, your partner should make himself available anytime for prayer, an encouraging word and a meeting.
Your accountability partner is one of your most powerfull tools in your aresenal to defeat porn addiction. Don’t overlook this point and think you can do it on your own. There is power when two or more believers get together.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 “One person could be overpowered, but two people can stand up for themselves. A rope made of three cords is hard to break.”
My wife left me and filed for divorce after over 25 years of marriage. Early in our marriage when my wife was cold to me, I would view pornography. For the last 12 years of our marriage, I had been relatively free from pornography. Occasionally I would fight images from past exposure to pornography when I was with my mate. I slipped several times over those 12 years and viewed pornography 2 times that I can remember but with the help of the Lord pornography was something that I shunned.
After I returned from a short term mission trip in early April, I began to fall to internet porn. It has been especially bad the last two days. During the last couple of weeks I have slipped back and had a few bad days where I indulged in internet porn. I feel so bad and ashamed. I cannot think of any christian friend who I could level with who would keep what I say in confidence and would keep me accountable and encourage me without treating me like a worm. Is there any way that I might be able to find someone through your organization who would help me? I know that pornography is a dagger to my relationship with the Lord. I want to be pure in heart and please God. I just wish that I had a christian to keep me accountable. Is there any hope for me?
Daniel,
Have you found somebody to be accountable to? I am in a similar situation, trying to be pure and shun evil temptations. But sometimes falling to temptation. And, like you, I cannot think of a single person I know to whom I can go.
I am at this page becaue I’m looking for a Christian organization that provides help locating accountability partners.
Mike & Daniel,
I get so many request for accountability partners, that I don’t know what else to do but refer them to their own church or to seek out a church on their own.
Would you both be willing to pay for a service?