Comments on: The different types of cheating – Emotional Affair vs Using Pornography

By: R Pike

R Pike — Sat, 11 Mar 2017 21:15:32 +0000

I am sure he knows what crosses the line and what doesn’t. He has not mentioned her because he knows you might be jealous or think that something is up between them. Maybe up to this point he found a sympathetic ear and someone who will listen to him and make him feel good… They may be engaged in am emotional affair http://www.abattleplan.com/2011/01/emotional-affair-cheating-pornography/ which in the future could lead to a physical affair. I don’t think you are out of line thinking this way,but how are you approaching the situation with him? Is your relationship with him solid? Do you have an open an honest communication with him?

By: Emma

Emma — Tue, 28 Feb 2017 17:43:33 +0000

My husband was addicted to porn through the first 3 years of our marriage and when he finally confided in me, I had no idea. I was pretty shocked because he is not overly sexual or grabby and I just couldn’t picture it. Our relationship is so bogged down by our 3 kids under 5, sports, work (his, and our shared business) and home life. It’s hard to connect in ways we would like and our libidos don’t match up. He has said that it is hard for him to be aroused because we’re fighting, or not spending time or I’m getting frustrated with kids. Fast forward to year 5 and he’s taken a new job (self-employed up until now and currently). At this workplace is a very attractive, outgoing, smart and interesting woman who he works with. I felt a tinge of jealousy when she sent him a friend request on facebook but let that go. They recently went on a work trip with a few other people overnight. He carpooled with her, with her allowing him to drive her car and they all went out for diner. He didn’t call in for bedtime which was frustrating but also odd to me as the group is a professional group and setting. When I called him he said he was sorry, just got back to the hotel after dinner and had drinks and was heading to the pool. When he got home he talked about everyone at the event except the girl in question. He barely greeted me and we had no personal interactions all weekend. On Sunday we had family over and he went upstairs unannounced for an hour including a 15 minute shower at the end of it. When he came down he asked when everyone had left and I sniped back, “An hour ago, because you’ve been upstairs for more than an hour” and he got really defensive.
He says he’s just friends with her, and he likes it because he doesn’t have friends. I recently found out that they eat lunch together sometimes and they obviously talk about stuff outside of their work because he related a story about her husband’s family issues. I feel like their friendship is very secretive. Part of me also logically knows that opposite-sex friendships especially at work are fine I just feel like he’s purposefully omitting the details of their relationship. I asked him about it and shared my concerns and he acknowledged my feelings but then brushed them off as crazy and in the “don’t I get to have friends?” kind of way. He also told me he also feels guilty about enjoying spending time with her. I apologize for the disjointed back story and abundance of … assumptions. My question is, If someone was addicted to porn would they be able to gauge a healthy friendship vs one that crosses lines? Am I out of line for feeling hurt? They are colleagues so how do I reconcile my feelings? My husband says he cares but also wonders when I’m going to get over it (it’s been one day) but hasn’t really given me anything to quell the fears. He says I’m being irrational for wanting to know what they talk about and time they spend together. I do not know the details of the overnight trip like if he had drinks with everyone, or ppl petered off and it was just them by the end of the night or if he went to the pool alone, or the gym alone in the morning. I know that they carpooled for 4 hours together, shared meals and a really terrible training session together but through all his accounts she wasn’t there. I don’t think it’s a physical thing but I could see it eventually going there.

Thanks in advance for your input.

By: Why “Porn is not cheating” is simply semantics. – Feminists Opposed to Pornography

Sat, 26 Nov 2016 21:52:50 +0000

[…] When you look at the word “cheating”, it means to deceive or trick. With relationships that term becomes complicated because there are different boundaries and values with different relationships. In one relationship even texting someone in a sexually suggestive way (sexting) is cheating, whereas in another partners can sleep with whoever they want but if they don’t tell the other person it’s cheating. I think we can all agree though that anything done sexually in a relationship without the consent of the other person is cheating. Porn is a complicated thing to discuss because there are various opinions on it. According to A Battle Plan; […]

By: LIsa

LIsa — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 02:27:35 +0000

sounds like he’s got erectile dysfunction cause he only is used to getting off “pixels” . He needs therapy fast. You may too to know how to deal with and help him as well as helping yourself to be strong and not feel bad about yourself. I read that a woman can look as good as those porn ho’s and the guy won’t get off his girl anymore, even if she “goes the extra mile” because his brain now is only super stimulated by these video pixels. I also read that some of these guys eventually end up all alone in their porn world….sad really

By: Miss placed by porn and plastic

Miss placed by porn and plastic — Sat, 22 Oct 2016 01:32:01 +0000

This is so what I’m going thru but I feel so trapped .He turned to a penis pump so he don’t even have to use his hand and our sex use to be amazing the bam we watched porn then he got sucked in 5 yrs marriage and now he don’t even kiss me all I can do is cry. He said that’s why he does it but it was defiantly the egg before the chicken. No use..

By: Healed and Attempting to Move out | Undiscovered and Exposed

Healed and Attempting to Move out | Undiscovered and Exposed — Mon, 18 Apr 2016 12:14:07 +0000

[…] The Different Types of Cheating: Emotional Affair vs. Using Pornography (I actually really liked this article, and is my second favorite only because it talks not only about physical cheating but emotional cheating) […]

By: R Pike

R Pike — Fri, 08 Jan 2016 00:51:56 +0000

Adam, what would she say if you said that directly to her? I assume you are just thinking this and not voicing the alternative. Find out why she is hesitant about trying other things. She may be scared or suffered abuse when she was younger.

By: Kim

Kim — Sat, 12 Dec 2015 19:49:49 +0000

If you area spiritual person, pray. Pray for him to be convicted about what he is doing and pray for peace, for yourself. I am at a crossroads with my husband. I will NOT spend the rest of my life with an unfaithful partner. Why should I? I have value and we entered into a MONOGMOUS partnership when we married. Intimacy cannot survive any other way.
Don’t let depression take hold of you. Go to support groups. Make sure he understands how what he is doing affects you…but don’t nag. It won’t work. If objectifying women and getting his sexual needs met elsewhere has hardened his heart to the point that he can’t be moved by your pain, then nagging won’t help.
Be prepared to act in your own best interests. His addiction will take you to a very dark place if you let it. Don’t let it! Going down with the ship will not help him. I am not saying to walk away, but protect yourself emotionally while he gets help, IF he will get help. He needs an accountability partner and you have every right to check his cookies on the computer for porn sites.

By: Kim

Kim — Sat, 12 Dec 2015 19:38:48 +0000

I think you are asking the wrong questions. You sound more interesting in assigning blame and comparing behavior to decide who is worse. The fact is, you BOTH did damage to your marriage.
I am not saying that your wife is blameless (people should NOT marry with the idea that they will/can change their spouse. It seems your wife thought she could. Sh also, possibly, thought she could handle your porn use. Women are pressured to accept porn as a way of proving how progressive and secure they are. What nonsense!) Anyway, focus on YOUR behavior, not hers. You are the only one who can change how your relationships work.
As far as the kind of husband you are, aside from the porn, understand this: when you discuss your patience, generosity, and great treatment of your wife, in the context of a discussion about your porn use, you sound as the f you are saying that you have earned the right to use porn. I guarantee that’s what she hears (and most women will hear) wh n you do that. You are generous with your wife. Great! You are not demanding with her regarding employment or house work? Awesome!…but don’t think that decent behavior makes your extra-curricular sex life, even if it is with your right hand and women you haven’t’ touched, acceptable.
I am the wife of a porn user. My husband is awesome in every regard other than his porn use and lusting over other women in public. Guess what? He has never and COULD never EARN the right to disrespect me and use me as a masturbatory prop while he thinks of large-breasted barely legal girls when we are having sex. He will stop or he will lose me and be a lonely old man with carpel tunnel!

By: Kim

Kim — Sat, 12 Dec 2015 19:14:15 +0000

Your post sounds like you are blaming unsatisfying sex (women) for men’s porn use. Wrong!