He is seeking escape – Life is tough and there are many responsibilities between work and family. Sometimes a man wants to get away from this world and enter fantasy land. This escape takes his mind of things that cause pain or anxiety and provides him with pleasure. As a wife, you understand the need to get away from the children or work. This is much the same as he is seeking with pornography. Many women believe he is trying to get away from her, which might be true if she is a contentious woman, but usually he is stressed about the cares of this world and wants a brief escape. Try to provide an environment where he can talk to you freely and without hesitation about things that are on his mind. Listen to him and make sure he knows you are on his team and working together with him.
He is wired to be visually oriented – Men are visual creatures. We find what we like by site and feelings come later. Women use their feelings to determine what they like then they translate that into physical attraction. This being said, a man is usually always scanning females searching for something pleasant to the eye. He gets great satisfaction just from observation because he is stimulated by sight. Using pornography develops his visual appetite and makes it more satisfying and therefore he will keep going back for more. Don’t neglect yourself physically and stop wearing nice clothes for him. He will notice you more if you take time to get his attention.
He is hooked on the high he gets – Pornography has been documented to mimic the same effects on the brain as drugs do. It releases all kinds of feel good chemicals that provide lots of pleasure for a while. It is so easy to get hooked on pornography for this very reason. Men like the view and the feeling it gives them. You may be a good looking sexy woman, but your husband will go to pornography for the variety and to get his fix. I’ve seen men with very attractive wives go back time and again to pornography. This is very hard to comprehend for a feeling oriented woman. Many women will blame themselves because they don’t look sexy as they used to, but the truth is, he is an addict and is acting out of addiction and not directly as a result of your physical beauty.
He is searching for an intimate connection – Even though men are visually oriented, deep down inside we are lonely and seeking an intimate connection. If you and your husband have a rocky marriage, make love infrequently or don’t take time to go out on dates and connect with each other, he may be starving. It’s hard to understand how a man can get intimacy from a video screen, but in his mind these girls are there for him and to please him. They draw him into a false intimacy that he eats up if he doesn’t have an intimate connection with his wife. It’s not just the sex he is looking for, it’s the feeling of being wanted, appreciated and being able to please someone else. If you can provide those things for your husband he will rather spend time with you over them.
Wives, I write this from a man’s point of view to help you understand where we are coming from. A man does not always look at pornography as a direct result of something you have done or not done. Sometimes he does it because it is what he has done for a long time, but other times he does it because something is lacking or he is just plain stressed out with life.
My best advice to you is to be sensitive to your husband’s needs. Try to be understanding and let him get close to your physically and emotionally. Also, make certain he knows you love him and don’t like the fact he is using pornography. Try not to be confrontational but don’t let him off the hook if you know he is looking at pornography.
Together you two can work through these issues and come out on the other side a stronger and closer couple.
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