Introverts and Sex Addiction

What goes on inside the head of an introvert regarding sex?

Introvert, Aloof, Space Cadet, Loner, those are some of the words used to describe someone living inside their head. Living inside your head generally labels someone that is generally very circumspect and a deep thinker.  They prefer to measure their words before turning them loose.  They work out problems and every angle of social situations before acting on them.  Sometimes they can spend too much time inside their heads living in a fantasy world and refusing to engage real people.

For me, living inside my head meant lots of time in sexual fantasy. I used my head time to imagine what this girl or that girl would look like and how she would be in bed.  I could dream up sexual scenarios that would never happen in real life, for me at least.  I was not as tall, muscular or good looking as my friend who seemed could charm any girl. 

This time spent in my head caused did much damage to my self-esteem and the way I viewed women, which furthered my awkwardness and social skills. It really was a catch 22.. I was living inside my head because of my self-esteem, awkwardness and introverted personality which caused me to be more that way! 

The battles I would fight in my head caused me to be defeated before even approaching a social situation. In my mind, the girl would say no to a date.  Even worse she had already pre-judged me and I knew what she was thinking.  My boss said no to my request, or my friend had already made plans for Saturday night.. all this before I would even make a move. 

I managed to get along despite this, but my life would have been much richer had I not been this way. I would have taken more chances, gone out and socialized more, and generally been a much better person to be around. 

Much of my self-defeating introversion was only deepened by pornography. Before pornography, I was not totally confident due to being the fat kid who was picked on in school.  Pornography caused me to go deeper into my head.  It’s an addiction that takes over much of your thought life.  It’s an escape. 

I brought all this into my marriage – the pornography and introversion. This was not good for my relationship with my wife.  I heard many times ‘why don’t you talk to me’.  I could not openly relate to my wife the feelings, thoughts and scenarios in my head.  How could I?  They were shameful.

Breaking the pornography addiction’s hold on me did a lot to move me away from this living in my head. I started to feel normal, engaged and present!  Living in the fantasy world in my head was causing me to be distant and cold.  I only realized this later after coming out of this ‘coma’ I had been in for years.

I wish I could say that I don’t fantasize about women sexually anymore. Sometimes I catch myself doing this and bring myself back to live in the present.  This is something you have to learn to do.  It takes lots of practice and awareness.

I don’t live my life out in my head anymore. That doesn’t mean I don’t do any planning or dreaming.  It just means that I am not paralyzed by fear, and destructive thoughts.  I live and let live… enjoy the here and now.  Give thanks for all that I am blessed with.