How to Break the Bonds of Pornography Addiction and Live in True Freedom

Two plus years later, I am leaving perfection behind and getting this out there to help anyone who is struggling with Pornography addiction.

Inside my book you will find a practical guide on how to break free from pornography addiction.  In all my years of reading on this subject, I have found very good books and some not so good.  Most books leaned too heavily into the spiritual side of addiction while others had no spiritual side.

My aim in this book was to bring a balance of spiritual healing and aid along with practical tactics you can use in your daily life.  This guide will walk you through some personal processing and steps to get yourself ready for healing and breaking free from pornography.  There is also a large amount of resources that will point you in the right direction to get yourself some further help.

I am not a therapist, counselor or pastor, just a recovering addict trying to help others who want out of the pornography trap.  Please download my book for free.  Please read it, follow the directions and visit the resources.  You will soon be putting together your battle plan against pornography and walking in freedom.

Freedom is good.  We were never meant to be slaves to anything, especially sin.  Live Free today.

Download it Free right here : How-to-Break-the-Bonds-of-Pornography-addiction-and-Live-in-True-Freedom

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• They grew up with internet pornography easily accessible anytime
• Many learned all they know about sex from pornography (sad)
• These men think their partners need to act like the women in pornography (very sad)
• Sex to them is physical and all about them; no intimacy involved

Read the article here and follow the comments. I think the brutal honesty and facts presented in this article are not easily found in most articles written about pornography and it’s effects.

How can we return sex to how it was intended and not the way portrayed in pornography?  What ways can we protect our own children from falling into the trap of pornography and getting their view of sexuality warped?

Comments welcomed below.

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These books are for anyone who struggles with pornography or for those who know someone who struggles.  Clicking on the titles will take you to Amazon where you can read what others say and then purchase the book.

The Way of Purity: Enjoy Lasting Freedom in Christ (Setting Captives Free) by Mike Cleveland. Mike Cleveland is a fantastic speaker and author with regards to strongholds and addictions.  I had the privilege to hear him speak at my church last year.  Mike founded the website Setting Captives Free and this book goes along with the study on Pornography addiction.

Porn Nation Student Edition: The Naked Truth by Michael Leahy.
This book is the true story of how the author lost his marriage and family to pornography addiction.  The truth is laid bare in this book which holds no punches and shows you how pornography destroys a life.  A MUST read

The Drug of the New Millennium – The Brain Science Behind Internet Pornography by Mark B. Kastleman. This amazing book shows you scientific proof how pornography alters the brain and directly impacts our attitudes and behaviors.  Did you also know that the chemicals  released while watching pornography is the same as those for a person doing drugs?  Get this book.

Pure Desire: Helping People Break Free from Sexual Struggles by Ted Roberts. I read this book right after I realized that I had a problem with pornography.  Ted had me nodding my head in agreement so much that I thought I was getting whiplash!  This book is so down to earth yet it deals directly with the problem and how you must change.

An Affair of the Mind by Laurie Hall. Focus on the Family recommended this book to my wife right after she learned of my problem.  I even read the book and agree it is a MUST read for any wife whose husband has a problem with pornography.  It helps the woman of the addict understand why her husband is addicted and how she can help him.

I Surrender All: Rebuilding a Marriage Broken by Pornography by Clay Crosse. Clay is a contemporary Christian musician who inexplicably lost his voice.  He was not sick, but after some probing by a voice coach he confessed his addiction to pornography.  This book documents his story and rebuilding of his marriage.  Good book.

I was shocked while looking these up on Amazon.  If you type in the keywords: Pornography addiction, you get 87 different books on the topic!

Do you have any books on porn addiction that you recommend?  Leave your comments below.

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What does this have to do with pornography addiction?  The adulteress woman in this chapter can be replaced with pornography itself.  Follow me and see if this parallel is definitely valid.

1. My son, give attention to my wisdom, incline your ear to my understanding; 2. That you may observe discretion and your lips may reserve knowledge.

First off, Solomon advises his son to listen to him and gain wisdom.  Pay attention to what I am about to tell you this is important!  Solomon is trying to warn his son from the point of view of experience perhaps.

3. For the lips of an adulteress drip honey and smoother than oil is her speech

The adulteress speaks words that are sweet and smooth.  She has a sensual proposition.  Pornography speaks to us the same way doesn’t it?  Pornography says: “Come and take a peek, I am ready for you and have all the pleasure you are looking for, You will get a break from your boring world just for a while.”  That scantily dressed attractive woman from the photo calls out to you to take break and enter her world.

4. But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.

When all the sensual fun is over, you are left with the bitter reality of what you just did.  You are full of shame and regret.  “I can’t believe I was so stupid to fall again”  It hurts like a two edged sword – It does severe damage.  It damages your integrity, your marriage, and other ways in which you will find out about later.  You can’t play with it without getting hurt.

5. Her feet go down to death, her steps take hold of Sheol. 6. She does not ponder the path of life; her ways are unstable, she does not know.

Pornography and the adulteress are lost and on the way to Hell.  They both live for today and do not consider the consequences of their actions.  Those lost in the sin of pornography live for that high that pornography gives them.  Some of them are unaware of where it will lead them both in consequences in this life and in eternal life.

7. Now then, my sons, listen to me and do not depart from the words of my mouth. 8. Keep your way far from her and do not go near the door of her house,

Solomon warns them to do what he says and do not even go near the adulteress!  Stay far from her!  Pornography should be kept away from – far away.  How many times did you ‘play around the edges’ as I did and ‘only’ look at lingerie or half nudes??  Then what happened?  You, just like me were drawn into all out pornography.  Solomon was wise to say stay far away.  You can’t play around the edges!  She is a master seducer and you are weak.
9. Or you will give your vigor to others and your years to the cruel one; 10. And strangers will be filled with your strength and your hard-earned goods will go to the house of an alien; 11. And you groan at your final end, when your flesh and your body are consumed; 12. And you say, “How I have hated instruction! and my heart spurned reproof! 13. “I have not listened to the voice of my teachers, nor inclined my ear to my instructors! 14.  “I was almost in utter ruin in the midst of the assembly and congregation

The price we pay for giving into an adulteress and pornography is with our time, material goods and our souls!  Pornography steals our time.  How many times did you sit down to look at some only to come to your senses 4 hours later?  It steals our time in this way and also with the way it preoccupies our waking thoughts too.  Pornography will steal your material goods because it makes you less productive and are dumping money into buying pornography.  Pornography will steal your soul.  What a statement.  Very sobering.  Pornography can turn you into a monster if you let it.  Ted Bundy feasted on a steady diet of porn and he admitted to its influence on his life.

Drink water from your own cistern and fresh water from your own well. 16. Should your springs be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets? 17. Let them be yours alone and not for strangers with you. 18. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19. As a loving hind and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; be exhilarated always with her love. 20. For why should you, my son, be exhilarated with an adulteress and embrace the bosom of a foreigner?

Solomon advises us to draw water from our own well.  Don’t get your sexual satisfaction from a stranger.  Don’t give yourself to anyone but your wife.  Your wife and you should exclusively be the only sexual satisfaction for each other.  Pornography seems like it satisfies, but it really is empty.  You may go to porn for intimacy, but it is a false intimacy.  You are still hungry after using pornography, it just doesn’t satisfy.

21. For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the LORD, and He watches all his paths. 22. His own iniquities will capture the wicked, and he will be held with the cords of his sin. 23. He will die for lack of instruction, and in the greatness of his folly he will go astray

Finally, Solomon reminds us of the reality of the Lord watching our every move and the consequences of our sin.  Would you watch pornography with someone else in the room that would not approve?  Well, the Lord sees us at all times!  He watches all our paths!  Every time you watch pornography, the Lord knows what you are doing.  Our sin will bind us and we will pay for them.  No one watches porn anonymously and without consequence!

Proverbs chapter five was given as a challenge for our accountability group to read everyday for a week.  It is a great example to remind us of why we need to live pure lives.  Pornography is the enemy and it seeks us out.  It tries to trip us up and bring us down with itself.  We need to stay far away from pornography and not even play near the edges.  We in no way are allowed to see any nudity other than that of our wives.  Pornography robs us of our time and resources.  It will put us to shame and will steal away our souls.  Focus your sexual desires on your wife and enjoy her as she was meant to be for you.  Pornography will not satisfy you, it only takes from you.  Remember that the eyes of the Lord are everywhere and are watching you.  The Lord will reveal the secrets and all things done in private.  If you do not repent and stop using pornography, you will suffer the consequences.  No one sins without consequences.

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Covenant Eyes Review

Covenant Eyes is a software package that loads on your computer similar to other accountability & filtering software.  Unlike X3Watch, Covenant Eyes is not free.  You will pay a monthly fee based on what services you use and how many accounts you need.

The number of user accounts you choose will depend on how you want to police the internet in your house.  I have one account on my computer and it automatically logs on when my computer starts up.  Under this one account, all computer users in my house will be subject to the same level of internet filtering and accountability reporting.  This works for me, but may not for you.  Sometimes the best approach is one account for the children and one for the adults.  If you have more than one account, each account will have a separate login to use the internet.

There are two main functions of covenant eyes: Internet filtering and Accountability.  You have the option to use filtering, accountability or both.

The filter will block pornographic and questionable websites.  You can set the level of the filter based on the user as long as you set up separate user accounts.  You may also specify websites to always block or always allow.  This is great if you like a stricter level of filter, but want to allow one or two sites that would normally be blocked at that filter level.  The filter also gives you the ability to allow a user to access the internet at certain times of the day and for a certain total amount of time.  This works especially well if you want to limit the total time spent on the internet or prevent late night internet surfing while they should be sleeping!

Get your FREE 30 Day Trial of Covenant Eyes.

The accountability part of the software will log all of you visited websites.  This report is available to both you and your accountability partner on the internet through covenant eyes’ website.  Covenant eyes scores each site you visit.  The scoring is done in real time and scans a web page before it loads.  A low scoring site means it is harmless, but a higher scoring site means you might want to take a look into what it is.  Your report will only list higher scoring sites to keep the report useful and to not alarm the user.  A summary at the top of the report will tell the user at a glance whether there was anything to be concerned about for the reporting period selected.  Your accountability report will also list any questionable searches performed.  If someone was inquiring about ‘bikini photos’ they would be listed on this report.

One unique feature of covenant eyes is the panic button.  The panic button is available for the user to click in case they are overcome with the urge to view pornography or something else on the internet.  The panic button will disable your internet and forbid any websites to load until you can call the Covenant eyes hotline and have them turn it back on.  This is a great feature that allows someone to calm down and come back down to reality before returning to the internet.  If temptation is too much for you to handle the panic button is there for you.

My overall feelings about covenant eyes are positive.  The only downside in my opinion is that pages take an extra second or two to load up, but when I consider the benefits and think back to the days of dial-up, I can accept this.  I really like the adjustability of the filter, the accountability reporting and the panic button.  I highly recommend paying the monthly fee for both filter and accountability services.  The accountability report is much better than X3Watch because of the ranking system and the fact that a complete log of sites can be reviewed.  The filtering is very flexible and allows you to police the use of the internet far easier than other ways.  I feel that my kids and I are protected well from obscenities.  The accountability report is an added layer of protection should my wife or I become tempted to visit a website we would not want the other to know about.

Get your FREE 30 Day Trial of Covenant Eyes.

Disclosure statement

Covenant Eyes Accountability software review

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I visited xxxchurch.com and downloaded the software very quickly.  Installation was very fast as well.  The only required actions upon install are to name the computer you are monitoring and to give two email addresses for the reports.  That is it.

Give a little thought first before inputting the email addresses.  The first email address should be yours so that you can review the same report as your accountability partner.  The second email address will be your accountability partner.  You both will receive an email confirming that reports will be forthcoming at either 2 or 4 week intervals. 

I input my own email address and then my wife’s email address.  My email is private to myself and my wife’s is private to herself.  I cannot delete the email from her inbox or vice versa.  We can both keep tabs on that computer for our children’s usage and each other’s usage.  This keeps the whole family accountable.  Consider the situation you have and in what way you can maintain the integrity of the accountability.

After two weeks, the report showed up in my email inbox with the subject: X3watch – Accountability report.  This report will only show you sites that are possibly questionable.   

My report listed only six sites as questionable.  None of the sites on my report were pornography related, except for the abattleplan website.  It listed a Barbie website and some of it’s subdomains along with a facebook subdomain as questionable.  The software did correctly identify this website, but the others were wrongly tagged. 

Pros 

• Free
• It is better than not having any accountability software
• Unnoticeably runs in the background

 Cons 

• Questionable sites on the report require you to either know what they are or click on the link to review them.  You could expose yourself to pornography while checking sites.
•  There is concern in the criteria for flagging a website as questionable. 
• Since the software resides on your computer, it could be circumvented by savvy users.

 X3Watch accountability software is a basic no frills way to establish internet accountability, however it lacks some very important features to make it totally effective.  The reporting leaves much to be desired.  Unless the questionable website has an obviously pornographic title, you need to click the link to review the site.  Also, the way a site makes the questionable list makes me wonder how well it works.  If Barbie and Facebook make the questionable list will the software flag these harmless sites and ignore some pornographic sites?  The software sits on your computer and therefore can be circumvented easily by a savvy computer user.  Your teen would figure out a way around this. 

The bottom line is if you need accountability, this may work for you.  You could use this along with Open DNS to get the full suite of accountability and internet filtering.  If you are very serious about protecting your and your family’s purity or if you want to really quit using pornography, you should spend some money on better software.  The lack of site logging, possible circumvention and the sketchy reporting leave a lot of holes available for the addict to take advantage of.

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Satan is a cunning and crafty enemy.  He knows that us men are visually stimulated and attracted to the beauty of women.  The nakedness of a woman is powerfully appealing to the flesh of a man.  Scripture talks about the two natures of man:  Spiritual and fleshly, and how we need to “walk by the spirit so we do not fulfill the desires of the flesh”.  These two natures are contrary to each other.  The spirit nature agrees with God and seeks to obey Him and fulfill His will.  The spirit wants to please God and bring about His kingdom, it is God-centered.  Our fleshly nature causes us to seek fleshly pleasures such as feeling good & looking good.  The fleshly nature feeds off of sex, food, drugs, & other sensualites.   The fleshly nature is self-centered.

Satan knows that we constantly battle between which nature to feed.  Knowing this, he goes after our weak point – sex – and uses it to trip up both men and women.  If he is successful, we will get hooked on feeding our flesh and we will be disobedient to God.

Satan can take down man through the woman!  Clever isn’t it?  He will get women to disobey God in a variety of ways.  Some are lured into making pornography.  Some women just dress provacatively.  Other women sleep around or get into partying & alcohol.  When Satan gets women to go against God & feed their flesh, they in turn will lure men away from God.  We men are weak when it comes to women.  Isn’t it very hard to push away from the advances of an attractive woman?  How hard is it to stop from taking a second look at an attractive woman or even more one without clothes?

God knew this and instructed the Jews to not marry outside women.  If a Jew married a pagan woman, most of the time he would abandon God for the god of his pagan wife.  Satan has been using this scheme to get men from the very beginning.  Its the perfect scheme – get the woman and she will bring a man down with her!  Worked back then and it still works today! 

Now that you know this scheme, what are you going to do about it?  Has this tactic used by the enemy to take us out now lost power in your life? 

Women – Stop being used by Satan!  Be pure, honest & loyal to God.  Don’t let yourself be a stumbling block for those around you.

Men – Don’t get so easily led to failure by the sensuality of women.  Stand strong and see this scheme for what it is – the battle for your soul.

I welcome your comments below.

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I have been using Open DNS now for about six months and have decided to let you know about my experience with it.  Let’s first look at what Open DNS is and how it works.

Open DNS is an online filtering service and nothing is installed on your computer.  You will not experience any difference in your internet speed.  Open DNS works by editing a few settings in your modem or router.

Your modem or router contains internet settings that you can access through your internet browser by typing in the IP address.  Your modem or router will have a sticker on it that says: IP address 192.08.01.1 or something similar.  You type this into the address bar and you can alter your settings.  Within these settings are your DNS settings.  You will modify these DNS settings to those supplied by Open DNS.

Your DNS settings or domain name server settings link to a server which returns a website every time you type in a website name.  When you want to go to Ebay, you type in Ebay.com and the request is sent to the DNS which translates that request into the IP address of Ebay which could be 192.08.01.1.  DNS servers allow you to use domain names instead of IP addresses to access websites.   You can see how much easier it is to remember names instead of number sequences for websites.

Open DNS takes your website request and returns either the website, or a blocked domain page based on the content filter level you choose.  Your website request is checked against a database of domains that are categorized by content.  There are over 50 Content categories which include: pornography, Adware, drugs, gambling, nudity, and much more.  You can choose filtering levels that are predefined or make a custom level where you choose which content categories to block.  All of your filter settings and reporting are done online through the Open DNS dashboard.

Block Websites by Category

 

Your Websites Visted Log

We use Open DNS on our home network.  My home network consists of three desktops and occasionally a laptop.  All the computers that access the internet in my home are subject to the Open DNS filter because my DNS settings are made through my router. 

I have been very satisfied with this free internet filtering service.  I use the free service which stores two weeks in your log and does everything I want it to do to keep the filth off my computers.  Most of my blocked websites deal with Adware or Phishing threats according to my log.  I also get to see what sites my family has visited without looking at each computer’s browser history.

Here are the advantages and uses for Open DNS:

• It is Free
• It doesn’t run on your computer to slow it down or uninstall it by others
• You can create a custom filtering list to filter what you don’t want on your computers
• The online log will show you all the domains visited by any computer on your network and cannot be erased or hidden locally. 
• You can block image searches in Yahoo & Google.  Pornography is rampant in the image searches.
• Do you suspect your husband or teen is accessing pornography but you can’t prove it?  Use Open DNS and password protect your modem or router settings.  This way they cannot turn off the filtering from the Open DNS dashboard or temporarily change the DNS server settings to view Pornography.

The disadvantages and weaknesses of Open DNS:

• It is not accountability software.  Accountability software reports your website access to your accountability partner.  This is set up by you and you will hold the passwords to control the content and is easily disabled by you.  Unless you give the router & Open DNS passwords to someone else to control, it will not keep you accountable.  Use this along with accountability software.
• Be sure to password protect your modem or router.  If your router settings are not protected, someone who is a bit tech savvy will be able to get around this filter.
• This does not block video searches in Google or Yahoo.  There may be another category such as video sharing that takes care of this, but pay attention to your logs. 

Bottom line:  This filter is a great alternative to software you have to pay for.  In fact, I think this is better than most of the paid software.  This is the first line of defense to protecting you and your family from internet pornography.  You need to be vigilant by checking the site logs and using accountability software as well.  We are ultimately responsible for keeping our family and ourselves pure online.

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Watch the video here and talk about it below:  Confession of a Sex Addict

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• A fight with the wife
• Boredom
• Depression
• The glimpse of an attractive woman
• Lonliness
• Anger
• Free time

Let me share a really BIG one for all of us – suggestive ads -

What is this ad promoting?

This ad from netflix that features actress Megan Fox really caught my eye.  Here’s why:

1. She is attractive and the middle of the ad focuses on her breasts. – us men are obviously visually oriented.
2. She has a look of vulnerability or fear on her face – this triggers the manly need to rescue her.
3. She is posed in a way that asks you to help her, rescue her, love her.

I have seen this ad off to the side of my Yahoo mail at least 50 times and it has caught my eye everytime.  In the past, I would have focused on this ad and it would have revved me up to the point of search for pornography then acting out.  How do I respond differently now?

Initially I was caught off gaurd with this ad and quickly looked away.  (fleeing)  As I saw it more often I started to analyze what it was about that ad that was so appealing and those details are above.  I did not take the ad into my head and run with it!  This is where we get tripped up.  You have to train yourself to stop the runaway thoughts that lead into acting out.  You need to stop yourself, calm yourself down and move on to another subject.  Don’t even entertain thoughts of sex for a few moments thinking you are just skirting the edge.  You need to estinguish these lustful thoughts right away!  Walk away for 10 minutes, change the channel, call a friend or your accountability partner – Don’t linger.

Many of the triggers that lead us down the road into acting out and using pornography can be counteracted by doing something to oppose that trigger.  If boredom leads you into pornography sessions, you need to keep yourself busy – do something to occupy the time.  If free time is your downfall, don’t allow yourself to have free time while you are alone.  Leave the house and go into a public setting.  Invite a friend over.  Do you see where I am going?  We have to set up a plan (in advance) of what will are going to do when we face a situation that could lead to our downfall.  That action plan is a part of your overall Battle Plan to stop using pornography.  You will then know what to do and excute the action plan to counteract these attacks before they start.

What are your triggers?  What do you find helpfull to counteract everyday situations that could bring your down?  Please comment.

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