Lost in the porn addiction cycle we long to get out, but it seems there is no use.  We feel almost helpless.  We tell ourselves that this is just something we have to live with; anyways it is not hurting anyone right?  Deep down inside we secretly loathe ourselves because of it.  We think of ourselves as dirty, weak creatures who would be looked down upon if anyone ever found out about what we do while alone. 

The biggest reason that a porn habit is hard to break is because of its secrecy! Porn is a secret sin!  The internet provides anonymity for us to seek out porn within the safety of our homes.  Erase the internet history, dump the cookies and erase the temporary internet files and know one will know.  We don’t have to get in our cars and risk being seen walking into an adult bookstore.  Covering our tracks and hiding all traces has been how we have been living.  If no one knows, I will be able to keep my marriage and respect that everyone has for me. 

The secrecy is a double edged sword!  You will be able to hide your secret porn life and keep your status as an outstanding husband, dad and citizen, but you will not like yourself.  The secrecy also will perpetuate the porn usage.  No one knows, and you can keep doing whatever you like.  Porn addiction grows when it is in the dark, secret place.  Porn is like a fungus – it thrives in the dark and dies when exposed to the light!  Part of your battle plan will involve telling someone about your problem.  You will be amazed at how much release you will feel when you expose your porn problem.  We will talk at length about this later.

A porn habit is so hard to break because of the sex crazed culture we live in.  Everywhere you turn; TV, billboards, magazines, the office – sexily & seductively dressed people are everywhere.  This culture has a preoccupation with sex.  Sex has been elevated to idol status and we learn to seek after it and revere it like it was a deity.  Listen to the radio or watch TV and talk about sex is everywhere.  Sexual conquests, affairs, and seduction are commonly spoke about and portrayed throughout the day as the be all end all of our existence.  To a porn addict, these bombardments cause us to think more about sex and want to use porn.  We can’t turn our sex filled minds off and onto more noble things while we are assaulted at every corner!  Speaking as a visually stimulated man, it is very hard to keep your eyes & mind on the straight and narrow. 

A porn habit is very hard to break because many of us believe that our porn usage is not hurting anyone. – There are no victims from my pornogrpahy use.   We think, ‘I am not physically cheating on my spouse’, or ‘Porn actresses have made a decision to act, they are not coerced’, or ‘Porn does not change the way I act towards my family and co-workers’.  So if it is not hurting anyone and sex is natural, why is it wrong?   I truly believed this for many years and thought that porn usage was normal for many people.  What I didn’t realize was that porn was changing the way I looked at women, was causing me to be more selfish, was robbing me of my passion for anything else, and was destroying my ability to be intimate emotionally and physically with anyone.  Porn will rob you of passion and intimacy and cause you to put yourself and your needs above anyone else.  There is much more to elaborate on these points later. 

Using porn is so hard to break away from because of the secrecy involved, the sex crazed society we live in and the lies we believe as to porn not hurting anyone.  If we are doing something in the privacy of our homes that no one knows about, but is talked about and reinforced everywhere we turn and is not hurting anyone why would it be wrong?  For porn to be wrong, we would have to be opposed to it morally and show that it has detrimental effects to those who use it and society in general.   

In our next installment we will talk more about the affects of porn on its users.

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You become ‘obsessed’ with it – you are constantly seeking another time to view porn- you plan your days around it.   Has porn use become your number 1 or 2 need in your life?  Do you find yourself looking forward to another session in front of the computer or TV screen?  A porn addict will plan their days and free time around getting alone with pornography.  Anticipation throughout the day will get them through their daily routine.
Your mind frequently plays back the scenes you watched. Your mind is pre-occupied with sex.  Sex fills most of your thought life.  Do you find yourself daydreaming about sex?  Do you find yourself sexualizing most every situation and turning it into a porn film fantasy?  Do you look every woman up and down to consider what it would be like to have sex with her?
You cannot control the urges that come.  These urges order you to go get your fix.  It is the greatest need in your life.  Do you get yourself all worked up that you need to go use porn to get your fix?  Do you have urges to use porn that haunt you all day long? 
Logic & safety goes out the window in pursuit of it.  You will take risks to satisfy your need for it.  Do you satisfy your desire for porn with risky behaviors – visiting adult book stores, view porn at work, view porn in public, go to strip clubs?  Has the pursuit of you next fix led you to seek more risque forms of porn?  Has ‘normal porn’ become boring to you?  Are you into lesbian, fetishes, beastiality, teen, or illegal porn (child porn)?  Are you interested or have you had an affair and considered hooking up with strangers for sex?
This list is not all inclusive, but will lead you in the right direction to consider your level of involvement in pornography.  Just because you can’t identify with all these behaviors doesn’t mean you aren’t addicted. 

Some people are more introverted in their addictions and keep it to themselves and think they are in control.  They will not act out as far as risking careers, family, or jail in pursuit of their porn high. 

Other people will drift into the extroverted and out of control behaviors.  They are the ones who get into the most perverse forms of porn and will even get involved in affairs and sex with prostitutes.

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